ez_mo

i was recently reading Patricia Cornwell's "Trace" and here was a paragraph that accurately summarized my feelings of late:

This is one of those moments of awareness that passes over Eise's thoughts like the shadow of the Dark Bird. That's what he cals it. If he looks up, nothing is there, just an awareness. He won't go any further with the truths of this sort because...it's best not to look too hard for the Dark Bird. The bird's shadow is awful enough.

i have had that feeling the shadow of the dark bird for many weeks. a sense of.... 'impending doom' is so fucking melodramatic. i suppose a sense of Something Awful that could happen or was narrowly missed and that feeling is like a shadow briefly passing over and then it's gone.

maybe this is a sign that i need to go back onto the meds again. (however, i don't feel any of the other usual signs of depression or that i'm hitting a trough.) that jason and i had a discussion last week about 'Accidents Happen' probably fueled/validated my feelings even more (nevertheless, i'm glad we had that discussion).

so that's where i am. i've had lots of things to say, so much on my mind. but what i cannot rid my mind of is the shadow.